It’s perfectly natural if a particular face flashed into your mind after reading the title. It’s always good to remember those who we must watch out for as we tread through our robotic lives.

The Backstabber is yet another special personality type. Special, because it is The Backstabber & Backstabber alone, who keeps us between a prosperous life & a life full of poverty, hatred & depression (even a murderous life, if we choose to take it that far). For the sake of my own sanity & hopefully your own, I’m creating a list of Backstabberly characteristics that we must all memorize and attempt to pin onto people we live, work & play amongst. No one must be left out! It is a question of life & death, my friends. For safety, use the ‘3 strikes & you’re a fucking Backstabber’ rule.

1. The typical Backstabber will always be lurking. Lurking to see what you do, when you do it & how you do it.

2. In the office, the Backstabber might just be the person who comes to your cube unsuspectingly.

3. The Backstabber will always be first person willing to help when you need assistance—not because he genuinely wants to help, but because he wants to learn how you work & possibly expose weaknesses in the process.

4. The Backstabber, whenever the opportunity arises, will use the CC (or God forbid, the BCC!!) function in Microsoft Outlook.

5. The Backstabber will never take any blame upon himself. Never.

6. The Backstabber is also either a Drama Fanner or Drama Queen (personality types already covered The Bastardly).

7. The Backstabber pretends to be naive of very obvious things for the sake of seeing how you react.

8. The Backstabber’s main goal is to expose you in front of as many people as possible. In meetings they tend to laugh a lot, possibly ask stupid questions. Don’t fall into this stupidity trap. Their main goal is to get you to open your mouth, so that you may set yourself up for a beating.

9. All backstabbers are naturally very selfish & spoiled people. They will do anything to get the most and be the best. This includes whoring themselves, shady bribing techniques, hiring brothas to make hits— pretty much whatever it takes (think of the Terminator.)

10. Always know your Backstabber, but don’t become one yourself. It’s like the War On Terrorism—it will go on forever (or at least until one man is left standing). Basically, ignoring the Backstabber is not an option b/c that’s when you’re most vulnerable!

Remember, the only way to get a Backstabber off your back is to move to a different city, challenge them to an old-school duel, & of course, secede.

Godspeed!

This article taken from [link]